I gently turned her onto her side and tucked the quilts over her shoulders and under her chin. “May I give you a kiss goodnight?” I asked, looking deeply into her eyes. She nodded slightly and raised her pursed lips to touch them to my cheek. I returned the caress. She closed her eyes and went to sleep.
This may seem like an odd, perhaps even unprofessional, interaction between a nurse and patient, but I have discovered over years of working with older adults in long term care that touch is a powerful healer. A comforting gesture can make the difference between loneliness and connectedness, restlessness and restful sleep, and between agitation and calm. Touch is central to our humanity, but so often in our busy lives our “touch-o-meters” remain on low. Even more so as we age.
Touch is fundamental for human health, connection and communication. It has been shown to relieve the physiological effects of stress produced by noise, conflict, clutter and pain. Just think of the relaxation of tightened aching muscles produced by massage. Touch allows us to be nurtured, and helps us to feel cared for, connected and accepted. Often, if the touch is right, it can cause buried feelings to surface and help to relieve emotional distress.
The importance of touch for infant development has been known for decades. Newborns thrive when they are provided with skin to skin contact. On the contrary, infants raised in touch deprived environments such as orphanages have been shown to have more attachment disorders, mood disorders, developmental delay and physical problems that can extend into later life. Research with Alzheimer’s disease patients indicates that therapeutic touch is invaluable in improving emotional connection and relaxation, and decreasing symptoms of depression. In another study, survival rates of patients with complex diseases improved when doctors frequently made eye contact and patted their patients on the back.
Of course, not all touch is therapeutic. Life enhancing touch is provided within the boundaries of a trusting and respectful relationship. As we live longer, and more often alone and away from immediate family it may be increasingly difficult to have the connection of touch. As well, the touch phobic nature of our western society can make us leery of seeking out the touch that we need. However, if we want to live well to a hundred and twelve, we would be wise to give physical touch the same importance to our healthy life style as we give to good nutrition. Remember the words of Virginia Satir: “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
Don’t be afraid to seek out opportunities for soothing, comforting touch. If you are lucky enough to be in a trusting intimate relationship, initiate more touch in your life. Ask for (and offer) a neck rub or a foot massage. Make opportunities to hold hands. Communicate with touch as well as words. A pat on the back or squeeze of the hand can offer much needed compassion and understanding to friends and family members—and may ensure that you get the same in return.
When you live alone or are home bound it can be more difficult to get the physical contact that you need. Using the services of professionals such as massage therapists can be helpful, but may not be available with enough frequency to make a difference. So I’m sending out a request to everyone who knows someone who is home bound. If you care about the person, visit as often as you can, and don’t rely on conversation alone to express your caring. Within appropriate boundaries, a hug and kiss, a hand squeeze, or a pat on the back can be a healing balm.